Goddammit, Gwyneth Paltrow Has An Iron Man Suit

March 28th, 2013 // 23 Comments Tweet WATCH: Gwyneth Paltrow Gets An Iron Man Suit'The Wolverine' TrailerHope You Like The Plot of 'Superman 2' Read More »

Considering LEGO already showed a minifigure of it last month and above is the newest TV spot that will be broadcast fucking everywhere, finding out Gwyneth Paltrow gets her own Iron Man armor in Iron Man 3 really doesn’t count as a spoiler anymore, so everybody who’s about to say it does, put your inhalers anyway. We’re kin. Not to mention we should be celebrating an Iron Man movie that finally sets aside convention to show us a new breed of superhero who sprays kale cleanses in the face of the poor. “Your days of irregular bowels over, ruffian. Take that!” *lights shanty town on fire with rocket boots*

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Thus came to pass that the Iron Man franchise was completely ruined. And I thought Jon Favreau’s fight scene was bad.

Mar 28, 2013 at 1:40 pm / Reply/40 Grand Dragon

Fucked the series up in the third film, just like with X-Men.

Mar 28, 2013 at 1:50 pm / Reply/31 That Bastard Tony

That’s actually one of Stark’s suits, not Pepper’s. He flings it onto her (using the Extremis tech I’m assuming) when the house is attacked to protect her. I do hope that they reveal her Rescue armor at one point in this movie tho.

Hope that wasn’t spoiling anything for anyone but if it was, then at least I’m finally living up to my name.

Mar 28, 2013 at 1:50 pm / Reply/30 Don Zaloog

That’s pretty awesome.

Mar 28, 2013 at 2:01 pm / Reply/10 karlito

why is your name “never been laid nerd boy”

Mar 28, 2013 at 2:07 pm / Reply/01 That Bastard Tony

Nerds get laid nowadays dude. What do you think this is, the 80′s?

Mar 28, 2013 at 2:11 pm / Reply/40 Cock Dr

This is so true. The nerds have the brains, are normally more better behaved than the mainstream Cro-Magnons, and they know how to program all the gadgets. Useful!

Mar 28, 2013 at 5:43 pm / Reply/00 Chuck Norris

Ironcunt

Mar 28, 2013 at 2:03 pm / Reply/20 Denace

You know what this means? She’s better then us; fucking Gwyneth Paltrow is really better than us.

Mar 28, 2013 at 2:10 pm / Reply/01 ThisWillHurt

“The Mandarin’s after us! Get in the suit, Pepper!”
“But there’s this warning on the side that says ‘DO NOT WEAR WHILE PREGNANT: MAY CAUSE MISCAR-’”
“I said get in the suit!”

Mar 28, 2013 at 2:10 pm / Reply/00 McFeely Smackup

She’s probably going to menstruate all over in that thing.

Mar 28, 2013 at 2:11 pm / Reply/00 USDA Prime McBeef

Her endometrium is certified organic.

Mar 28, 2013 at 2:32 pm / Reply/00 USDA Prime McBeef

Iron Man MCDXXXII has everybody in magic suits.

Mar 28, 2013 at 2:33 pm / Reply/00 Uncle Phil

If that suit isn’t fair trade and lavender infused, there’s no way you’re going to get her in it.

Mar 28, 2013 at 2:46 pm / Reply/00 Cock Dr

They told her it was haute couture…that was the only way they could get her into it.

Mar 28, 2013 at 5:45 pm / Reply/00 billabong021

Ugh just what I wanted to see, a preppie wasp in an iron man suit *barf*

Mar 28, 2013 at 9:53 pm / Reply/00 IronJerk

No! A woman can’t wear the iron man suit.
It has no room for tits.

Mar 29, 2013 at 10:06 am / Reply/00 Real Guy

Don’t worry, she doesn’t have any.

Mar 29, 2013 at 11:46 pm / Reply/10 McShez

Please, please, please make it lock shut and never, ever open up again.

Mar 29, 2013 at 8:00 pm / Reply/10 Dewitt

I know “Shanty Town” doesn’t necessarily refers to Bioshock Infinite, but I have the feeling that’s where you took it from this time.;)

Mar 29, 2013 at 8:06 pm / Reply/00 ManiacFive

I was all cool with Pepper in an Iron Man suit, ’cause I was remembering Iron Man vol 1 #300. The red head that jim rhodes puts in an iron suit along with a bunch of others to fight ultimo when Tony was still paralysed…

Of course I was remembering that all wrong, that redhead was Bethany Cabe. Fuck you Gwyneth Pepper. You haven’t earned that suit. And you have no hips for the suit to even chafe. Where’s Bethany when you need her?

Mar 29, 2013 at 8:40 pm / Reply/00 Ripley's Believe It Or Not

Where’s Iron Woman’s ironing board and clothes to press?

Mar 30, 2013 at 11:17 am / Reply/00 SnarkAttack

Huh. Didn’t know Armani made Iron Man suits.

Mar 30, 2013 at 1:50 pm / Reply/00 Leave A Comment Commenting as a Guest. Sign in or Join. Use Facebook: Log In

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